a love that strengthens and holds fast

I enjoy the romantic side of life. I've watched all the classic romantic tales and as a girl I would dream of my one true love - and one day I was lucky enough to marry him. I was convinced that many waters "could not quench love" - this was forever. But behind all the notions of romance and the happily ever afters, I felt rather intimidated by the thought of choosing love. It did not sound as romantic, it almost sounded too hard. It sounded cynical - almost like forever love was more of a luck thing - you're lucky if you last 10 years because just as easily as one falls into love - it is just as easy to fall out. The back and forth, the fickle view of commitment was something I had unknowingly begun to believe because it was all around me. Romance always seems to die - after the movie ends or the book is closed, the smiles eventually fade. I began to wonder - How could I keep a guy in love with me forever? Even though I still struggle with those same feelings at times - I have begun to realize that is not what is important - the question should be, How can my love deepen for my Savior and than overflow towards my husband?

Over the past 6 years we have faced many changes and challenges, I feel older, more tired, drained....and strangely enough, more committed. I still enjoy the idea of romance but now I understand the depth of what perfect love could be - yes, I can still enjoy the flowers and candlelight dinners but there is something much deeper that only God can offer -  what God speaks of as perfect love, the kind of love that casts out fear. I think for many of us, we can look back into our childhood and remember the examples of love that were less than perfect, creating fear and leaving scars in our hearts, though the hurt has healed - we can still remember the pain and this pain leaves a longing - an emptiness - a desire to be filled with something perfect and so we begin our search - for the perfect husband, perfect children, perfect house, perfect job, perfect figure, etc - we search for anything that we feel might satisfy our desperate need of affirmation. This longing to be filled produces in us a raging selfishness that can never be quenched because this idea of love is all about what others can do for me.

Where must we cast our eyes?

The love that Jesus Christ displayed to us was that of complete humility. The laying down of His very life for His friends at the CROSS. This is perfect love and this love casts out all thoughts of fear and inadequacy, hurt and pain. This love covers all our sin and enables us to love as He has shown through the shedding of His blood and the complete giving of Himself. He was spent. He gave. He did not come into this world as a thief to destroy or condemn but that He could give life and that we would have it abundantly!

If we have this life abundant, how much more can we give of ourselves. There is a fountain of  perfect love that never runs dry - the love that is ours through Christ. Do we drink of His provision and give abundantly or do we seek to destroy those around us because of our unfulfilled expectations that are rooted in pride and selfishness. Where must we cast our eyes? Look to the cross. Where His love was poured out. Hold on to His perfect example of love and let go of what others have done that have offered only disappointments.

It is the pouring out of self - this is when we begin to know the fullness of God working through us - His joy, peace, wisdom and love.

Romantic love seeks to be filled, perfect loves seeks to give. Yet because of perfect love, we can be filled.

"For the bread of God is he which cometh down from heaven, and giveth life unto the world."

Jesus Christ, the bread of God giveth life unto the world. He giveth life - peace, joy, hope, love -

"Then said they unto him, Lord, evermore give us this bread."

May our hearts not echo these same words spoken by these people in desperate need - people who sought to be filled - without being emptied of themselves and their own selfish intentions.

"And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst."

She understood that He was the bread of life.

" A woman in the city who was a sinner....brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil....

.....if He were a prophet, he would know who was touching Him....

Jesus said....."Do you not see this woman? I entered your house; you gave me no water for My feet, but she has washed my feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. You gave me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss my feet since the time I came in. You did not anoint my head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many are forgive, for she loved much."

She understood the love of Christ, she longed for the Bread of Heaven, the Giver of life abundant - she knew her sins were many, she knew of her failures and fear and yet with eyes fixed on her Messiah, she continued to kiss His feet - and with all she had, she anointed His head with fragrant oil. She was gladly spent.When we cast our eyes to the cross, we view His awesome love - what is our response? Do we live in worship for what He has done. The perfect Savior, the source of perfect love can perfect in us that which we cannot give on our own. As we love our husbands, as we give of ourselves and take our insecurities to Christ all our failures and fears- He fills us as we empty ourselves of all our pride - as we empty ourselves of anything that hinders our joy of being spent for another.

As we survery the wondrous cross, may we give of ourselves and love our husbands as we ought. Enjoy him, notice what he does well, appreciate him, give of yourself, delight in him, listen to him,  pray for him, love him with a patient, quiet love. Work through the conflicts, the discouragement. Let him know that he still has your heart, all of it - let your heart open up to him so he can learn to hold it and watch over you as he was created to do. Let him lead, love to follow.
When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

living with intention

With the grace given to me, each new day is an opportunity to live more intentionally - "Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:13

AND Hope...not in what you can do but what Jesus Christ has already made available to us, God's marvelous grace! WE now hope in the appearing of our Great God and Savior Jesus Christ and while we wait, we wait soberly - intentionally, quietly with hope and joy.

In January, we decided to memorize this passage in Romans (as a family) in order to remind ourselves of what God expects of us as His children. It has been a blessing to us as well as a challenge.

"Love must be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate toward one another in brotherly love. In honor giving preference to one another, not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. Joyful in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer. Distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. beloved, Do not avenge yourselves but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:9-13)

Intentional living looks to Jesus Christ and away from ourselves; where He must increase and we must decrease. Intentional living sees Christ through all and in all - the all sufficient One. When we gaze upon His Face we find contentment and security.Our attitudes and behavior are directly related to where our treasure is - if our treasure is Christ, this looking to Him allows us to love as He loves, to love what He loves and to be whom He has called us to be, holy and acceptable to Him.

"Romans 12 is a description of how we live when we know and feel the truth that we deserve nothing but misery forever, but instead, because of Christ, we have the promise that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to glory that will be revealed to us (Romans 8:18). Romans 12 is the way you live when you have been broken because of your sin—when you have said with the apostle Paul, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Romans 7:24)—and then, after being broken, you have discovered that in Christ God is for you and not against you, and that neither tribulation, nor distress, nor persecution, nor famine, nor nakedness, nor danger, nor sword can separate you from the love of Christ and from everlasting joy. Romans 12 is how you live when you know this Christ-bought, broken-hearted joy. " (John Piper)

Abba Father

We did not expect this little guy to take to the ice so quickly. This was his third time on our little backyard rink this year. This time he would not hold on to his daddy and he did not want his daddy to hold on to him either. With happy anticipation he said, "I do it myself!" Our three year old is completely hands on - not afraid of anything (except being away from his mama)- he can laugh at the sight of possible failure because he seems to find all the funnies in life - he gets up and tries again, laughing all the way -  he loves anything he can move with - A one of a kind, go getter with a tender, loving heart - our little man!

I loved watching him. My heart was thrilled to see him learning. But perhaps watching his father watch over him so closely was what really melted this heart of mine to tears. I was struck by how carefully his father would skate behind him - not holding him up, just there if our son were to fall. Micah displayed a simple trust that could be seen through the happy smile of his face. Why would he be afraid of falling when his father would be there to catch him? He truly believed that becuse his father was watching him so closely, No harm could ever befall him - not because of his own ability but because he understood his father loved him enough to watch and wait - to grab a hold of him when his foot would stumble.



Because his foot did stumble - but daddy was there to catch him.

A loving father watching over his son.

I remember when Micah was only 4 weeks old, a warm evening in August, he lay in his bed awaiting a heart procedure the next morning. He was sleeping soundly, we were praying through our tears. David and I prayed over him - reading from Psalm 91. Our prayer was that God in His rich mercy would look upon our son and grant Him much grace both physically and someday....spiritually. Our prayer was that one day Micah would acknowledge his Creator's Name - that the Lord would be His refuge. We pray this for each of our children - that their hearts would understand the truth of God the Father's great love. (Ephesians 2:4-5)

"If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.


“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

All is quiet as I watch, the sun is shining so gloriously on all that is buried deep. The old nature, buried with Christ is forever gone - the Spirit brought about adoption

and we cry, "Abba Father." Do we shine this same joy and trust in our Heavenly Father.

We can have a sure confidence in the Father's love for His children. He will not let us fall, though we face different calamities of this life, though at times our struggles may be great - nothing can separate us from His love - our hope is everlasting peace and joy with the Father - our hope is eternal.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

How to Eat a Cantaloupe on a Roller coaster

 Children do not always clean up after themselves. Crumbs are often found under the dining room table. Faces and hands need constant washings. Clothes seem to dirty themselves. Tummies always seem to get hungry - just when breakfast has been completed, lunch begins. Noises creep around every corner of the house. How does one remain quiet in the midst of chaos?

 Sometimes my energy is low. Sometimes my teething baby is up at least 3 or 4 times throughout the night and my three year is ready to start his day at 6 in the morning. Sometimes I'm just plain tired. Sometimes I feel anything but quiet within myself - as the roller coaster beings to turn into its drop, unrest within myself seems ready to break through - I can barely keep it in.

 My children need me all the time. I'm a snack maker, house cleaner, clothes washer, floor sweeper, toy organizer, book reader, meal maker, kitchen cleaner, toilet scrubber, monster hunter, Lego finder...the ups and downs of motherhood, just when one toy is picked up - another falls to the ground. The roller coaster never seems to stop.

But I wouldn't change it for the world. At least that is what I'm telling myself - as much as I have to....

This year is all about reminders - every day is all about reminders. I need to remind myself to let go of the insanity within myself and love the ordinary all around me. Instead of fussing over the toys all over my living room floor, I'm learning to enjoy the toys all over my living room floor. Ordinary little messes can make this heart of mine rest in delight. Learning to delight myself in their kind of play. Learning to talk their language and bring myself into their wonderful imagination more and more. Allowing myself to live in a child's world instead of forcing them to grow up and live in mine. It turns out, life is more fun with smiles, giggles,wrestles and tickles.

Life is wonderful just the way it is....

lots of silly.....lack of sleep...never-ending food preparation...

but let's face it, sometimes its hard to see it that way. Our perspective is dirtied by our own selfishness. Seriously, how easy is it to maintain this kind of calm in the messy days of life. Its impossible.

On this roller coaster we call mama hood, how do we take the sweetest moments (usually the most ordinary) and tuck them deep inside your heart.

Bathe all things in prayer.

Nothing is impossible with God.

In the midst of everything, pray. Pray without ceasing. Pray for wisdom. Pray for strength. Pray for perspective. Meet with God in communication. Ask Him to make it possible through you. Pray while cleaning. Pray while preparing dinner. Pray while putting children to bed. Pray while playing. Pray while driing to the grocery store.

It seems when eyes are closed in prayer, when hearts are bowed down before the Throne of Grace - only than can we truly see the sweetest moments staring us right back in the face - you just have to slow down the roller coaster within yourself and rest all in Him. It is possible to find rest, peace, perspective - not within ourselves, but through prayer. Go to God where His peace will keep your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

"...but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Dissolve my heart in thankfulness.

Keep me in Your Peace.

Pressing onward

Time passes quickly. We are now half way through the first month of a new year. The day is half over and our children are growing up, growing taller before our very eyes. Little feet of one so small begin to take her first steps on this earth. Where does time go? Sometimes I wish I could just stop everything from changing. I love having my children this small. I love hearing the way they talk - wishing I could memorize each little word spoken in their little childish dialect. But someday they will be able to speak every word correctly and I will have forgotten the sound of their voices so small. Someday they won't get scared in the middle of the night and crawl into bed beside me, where they are safe and loved. Someday they won't need help with getting skates on and off, shoes tied, faces washed. Someday I won't have to wipe the walls of dirtied hands prints and stuck on food. Someday I will look up to them and wonder why the years had to hurry so quickly into adulthood.

Each year there are so many changes, we cannot stop the sand from falling through our fingers, escaping us like the very breath we breathe - Time cannot be held back. It keeps moving forward, the question is - are we lagging behind? For even though we say we love these times, there are still moments we so often waste. There are days we fail to live well. This is perhaps one of my greatest pains in life. How many times how I waned, delayed or failed to maintain the keeping up with relationships.

Relationships with my children, my husband, my parents, my sisters, brothers, friends, neighbors, my LORD.

On December 31st I made only one resolution that the prayer of my heart each day would speak, "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." (Psalm 90:12) I recognize my need for Him. I need Him to teach me to number my days because I cannot do this alone. When I look back on the times I have tried to "arrange" things in proper order, I have desperately failed and hurt those around me. I have hurt them because of my own selfishness, discontent and pride. I am sure Moses felt the same way as he led the Israelites each day and saw their flippant attitudes of lukewarm spirit and they wasted 40 years wandering around in the desert. A parched place that would leave them cracked and worn. I do not want to waste my days just wandering around, complaining, floundering....Each day I need to come alongside my Savior in earnest prayer,

"Rabbi, show me how to number my days."

The idea of numbering our days means we must put things in order, we must set priorities as to what should take preference. How can this be done? How do we measure what is most important or more valuable? Romans 12 speaks of Whom we must focus on each day - to fix our eyes on Jesus, the perfecter of our faith. As we focus on Him, we learn how to number our days. We consider Him so that we will not grow weary and lose heart. We are told to throw off all that hinders, we cannot fix our eyes on Christ - if we are being hindered, we cannot possibly set eternal priorities if we are being hindered. We cannot number our days if we are being hindered. What is it that hinders us?


Do we spend too much time worrying about tomorrow or harbouring anger and bitterness from yesterday? Rid yourself of these. Live today. Forgive whatever grievances we may have against each other and live in peace. Laying all anxieties at the Throne of Christ.

Do we spend too much time thinking of how others are thinking of us or what others are doing? Rid yourself of these. Find your identity in the finished work of Christ.

Do we spend too much time caring for ourselves and our needs that we forget to care for the needs of others around us? Do we find ourselves acting more in selfishness rather than servant hood? Rid yourself of these. Have the same mind as Christ who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing.

Do we spend too much time on the Internet, phone, etc - filling our days with mindless information rather than the words of Christ? Rid yourself of these. Be conformed by the renewing of your mind.

Rid ourselves, throw away these hindrances and run with perseverance. "Not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord...." (Romans 12:11)

Too many times I have lagged behind in diligence. I have failed to number my days by simply allowing these hindrances to overtake me. This year my hope is to live more intentionally as I fix my eyes on Jesus Christ - praying that He would teach me to number my days that I may not grow weary and lose heart.

I think of Ruth. She was diligent."She has continued from early morning until now without resting even for a moment." Verse 17 goes on to say she beats out what she has gleans, measures it and takes it home to Naomi. She cares for her widowed mother-in-law. She was also fervent in spirit. She was committed to relationships. Her own mother-in-law was embittered by life, but Ruth continued with her, serving her and loving her despite their circumstances. In the end, Naomi is again reminded of the Lord's kindness. He has not forsaken them. The light of God's love invaded her weary soul as it should ours - each day.

Teach us to number our days....

May we take the time to see His love everywhere...in the small, simple moments of each day.

In the quietness , as light shines in every corner

and in the midst of everything - pushing aside all that could possibly hinder us from maintaining that of eternal worth

and choosing instead to sit joyfully in the Light of His love, saturating ourselves in all that He is and savoring Him completely.

Emmanuel

The wonder of it all,
The Creator wrapped Himself in flesh,
the King of Kings born in a stable,
to save His
people from the filth of sin.
The birth of One so Holy in Bethlehem begins the journey to Calvary
where He brings life to those dead in trespasses and sins.

What hope we have in Christ!
Though for a moment our hearts may grieve the loss - the sting of death is softened by His love.
His death gives us life.
Life that is not of this world.
It is a gift of God, given to those who believe in His Name and at His Name bow down
in willing acceptance to all His purposes.

His birth allows us to meet again.
Those who leave this world before us, without even taking their first breath
the child will be forever remembered
a longing in our hearts
and yet the Prince of Peace, He who has come so many years ago
knows of this longing and fills our hearts with hope as only He can do.

Because of His life and death
His Spirit strengthens even the weakest of mothers
His peace breaks through the broken heart
to heal and renew again

How beautiful the Mystery
God is with us
In our pain
In our sorrow
In our confusion

God is with us
One Day we will know of this Truth completely

Praise be to God for His indescribable Gift!
The Gift of Life
The Gift of Peace
The Gift of Hope and Sovereign Joy.

White as Snow

My boys could hardly wait to get outside this morning just to touch the white flakes of winter. They were captivated by everything that lay around them. Giggles spoke of their wonder.

"When I consider your heavens,

the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of them,

the son of man that you care for them?"

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us,

not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy.

He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,

whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior,

so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."

(Titus 3:4-7)

I love how children dive into each new day with fresh anticipation.

The failures of yesterday do not darken their hearts at daybreak.

We are to do the same.

God has saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal of the Holy Spirit -

Not because of the the righteous things we have done,

But because of His mercy.

Our eternal hope does not depend on our successes -

His mercies are new every morning.

Complete renewal each morning.

May our praises speak of this wonder.